Empty echoes of empty dishes

A post by Hilary Tsui, contributing to the Shadows under the mistletoe theme

I grew up celebrating the Winter Solstice

A day to mark the longest day in winter

But also a time where we feel closest to each other and home

Home is my grandparents’ cooking

Food so delicious that we joked they are a restaurant powerhouse

Tong-Hing Restaurant, we called it

Home is my grandfather’s stash of biscuits and toffee

The dining table forever adorned with his favourite Danish butter cookies

Accompanied by the crinkle of candy wrappers

Home is the sounds of his shuffle

As he carefully brings out a plate of steamed fish – my favourite

「小心，很熱啊!*」 he says

I come home now to a silent kitchen

Simple meals spread out on the dining table

An echo of the feast that once was

The last tin of Danish butter cookies eaten long ago

None of us bothered to buy another one

The dining table seems so much bigger now

My grandmother cooks alone now

Her dinners almost bland and without conversation

Almost as if her love of cooking died when he did

A different Winter Solstice has replaced the once-lively dinner

Of half-smiling mouths not meeting the eyes

Willing our eyes to not dwell on the empty chair

My new normal of the Winter Solstice dinner

One with a spread of take-out boxes on the table

And a sense of loss and emptiness

Slowly sweeping up the pieces of forgotten steamed fish

And laughter slowly returning to the table

We try to move on from what once was

I have begun to take over the Winter Solstice preparations

I may not be able to recreate what was lost

But I can try to carry on the remnants of what used to be home

 

*Careful, it’s hot!

Bio

Hilary Tsui is an MPhil Criminological Research student at the University of Cambridge. Born and raised in Vancouver, Canada, she began her journey as a writer back in 2014 and never really stopped writing. Her most recent poem, "scream", was published with The Lyre, an undergraduate literary journal at Simon Fraser University. It is her goal to publish a novel or anthology of poems one day, but her love for procrastination prevails. When she is not studying or writing, you can find her watching or reading murder mysteries and browsing animal (mainly raccoon) videos online.